The Dirty Dolls (1973)

The Dirty Dolls is a very obscure 1976 softcore sexploitation crime thriller film which has been released by the American Genre Film Archive (paired with Things To Come) in their Smut Without Smut series on Blu-Ray.

Smut Without Smut may be the silliest idea in the history of home video. The idea was to take X-Rated movies and chop out all the naughty bits. Perhaps their next project will be Thrillers Without Thrills, or Comedies Without Comedy.

At least they had the decency and just enough intelligence to include the uncut versions on the Blu-Ray as well. I watched the uncut version so that’s the version I’m reviewing.

Johnny leads a gang of desperate armed robbers. There’s Johnny, and five hot babes including his sister Dee Dee.

And one of the babes, Sherry, is played by sexploitation legend Sharon Kelly! Sharon Kelly started out as a go-go dancer, made a major splash in softcore and later moved into hardcore.

They’re not the world’s smartest or most efficient criminals. They kill someone in a bar heist. Then they move on to something much more ambitious, stealing uncut diamonds from a diamond exchange. They find themselves having to take two hostages and then they don’t know what to do with them. And maybe they can’t unload those diamonds. Johnny is out of his depth. He’s small-time and definitely not cut out for the big time.

The bar heist is fun. The girls are masquerading as missionaries collecting money for their church. Only they collect the money at gunpoint. They’ve found that this stimulates people to give more generously.

The problem they face in the diamond heist is that the diamonds are in an attache case chained to the wrist of a security guy. They have to take him along with them. And they run into a witness in the lift. They have to take her along as well.

There are already tensions in the gang. Johnny is sleeping with all of his girls. Except for Dee Dee, although he and Dee Dee are very close. Dee Dee is worried that things are getting out of hand.

The female hostage is rich and stuck-up and treats Johnny with contempt. Two of the girls decide to have some fun with her. They’ll subject her to some sapphic loving, and since they’ve handcuffed her she doesn’t have any choice in the matter. She is naturally outraged but the girls are persuasive and Sherry is impressed. For a beginner this lady can give a girl a surprising amount of pleasure.

Sherry also persuades the captive security guy to pleasure her. He’s tied up but the parts of him that are of interest to Sherry are easily accessible. Sherry has a very nice time, and she thinks he has such nice eyes.

The relationship between Johnny and his sister will also develop in an interesting way. This is the real heart of the movie and it works better in the uncut version because it needs to have a real impact. It needs to be a gut punch. I’ve watched the butchered version and it doesn’t quite have the impact and the shock value required. It works better in the uncut version because you get a sense of erotic desperation and lust out of control. The uncut version adds a slightly more disturbing touch as well, with the suggestion that Johnny’s suspicions about Dee Dee’s feelings might not be entirely wrong.

Chopping out all the sex scenes in this movie really is an insane thing to do. The butchered version runs for a mere 49 minutes. This is a sex movie. That’s what it’s all about. Yes, there’s a rudimentary crime plot but it’s lust that drives the plot and it’s the sleaziness and depravity and out-of-control unhealthy sexual desperation that provides all of the character motivations. The sex scenes are softcore but very raunchy and steamy and sweaty. Take out the sex and you have a ridiculously short second-rate ultra-cheap boring crime movie. With the sex it’s a wild crazy roller-coaster ride of sex and crime. It’s dirty and sleazy because it needs to be dirty and sleazy.

And this is a Sharon Kelly movie. She is quite a good actress and she’s cute and charming and amusing but people watch a Sharon Kelly movie to see her take her clothes off and get down to some bedroom action. That’s because once she’s naked she’s even cuter and more charming and more amusing and she sends the eroticism levels through the ceiling.

The sex is strictly softcore.

This movie is not in great condition. There’s a lot of print damage. That’s a feature rather than a bug. It makes the movie feel grimy and dirty, which is as it should be.

Don’t bother with the hacked-to-pieces cleaned-up let’s-not-offend-anybody version. In its uncut form The Dirty Dolls is a delightfully nasty, violent and scuzzy exploitation movie and it’s highly recommended.