Downtown (Die nackten Puppen der Unterwelt, 1975)

While Jess Franco made plenty of light-hearted comic-book style movies Downtown (Die nackten Puppen der Unterwelt) in 1975 is probably the closest he got to pure comedy. It’s a private eye spoof combined with a sex comedy, and it’s one of his odder movies.

Franco himself (in one of his best acting performances) plays Al Pereira, a down-on-his-luck rather seedy and not especially honest private eye. He’s employed by the glamorous wife (played by Lina Romay) of a wealthy businessman to take photos of the industrialist having sex with his mistress. It sounds sleazy but not not too dangerous, and Al needs the work. It turns out that it’s actually much more complicated, and involves blackmail and murder, and poor Al is in the frame for the slaying.

He’s also so deeply enmeshed he can’t see a way to escape, and he’s so sexually obsessed by Lina Romay he’s not sure he even wants to escape. And when he gets the chance to play kinky sex games with both Cynthia (Lina Romay) and her girlfriend Lola he’s well and truly hooked. Unfortunately that means becoming a partner in more blackmail, and being an unwitting accomplice in further murders.

Franco is a lot of fun as Al. He’s nervous, fidgety, neurotic, paranoid and totally consumed by lust. Lina Romay sheds her clothes and her inhibitions and gives a lively and entertaining performance, while Franco regular Paul Muller is good as the cynical police inspector who has a certain sympathy for the hapless Al.

And it has a nightclub performance scene. In fact, several nightclub performance scenes. These are always a highlight of any Franco movie, and Lina Romay goes right over-the-top in her strip-tease sequences. There are staggering quantities of nudity in this film, but there are also some real laughs and some genuine fun. And there’s even an actual mystery plot in there somewhere.

This is second-rank Franco, not to be compared to classics like Vampyros Lesbos or Venus in Furs, but if you accept it for what it is it’s rather silly entertaining fun.

The Stranglers of Bombay (1960)

The Stranglers of Bombay, released by Hammer Films in 1960, is ,ore of an historical adventure tale than a horror film (and in fact is included in the Icons of Adventure boxed set). But since it deals with the discovery and suppression of the murderous cult of Thuggee in India it has its moments of horror as well.

The Thugs had been robbing and ritually strangling people in large numbers for many years, as part of their worship of the goddess Kali, but by the 1830s the British authorities in India had become aware of the cult and were determined to stamp it out, which they did with great success. So The Stranglers of Bombay certainly has an authentic historical background, even if the actual events in the movie are fictionalised. In the movie Captain Harry Lewis is an idealistic officer of the British East India Company who has been investigating what appears to be a truly staggering number of mysterious disappearances. He suspects there may be a link to an increasing incidence of robbery that is starting to affect British trade. He convinces his superior to delegate an officer and a squad of men to deal with the problem, but unfortunately his superior chooses the arrogant and foolish Captain Connaught-Smith for the task.

A series of disasters follows, and investigations are met with a wall of silence. Captain Lewis is undaunted however, an gradually begins to uncover some hard evidence.

With Terence Fisher directing, Arthur Grant doing the cinematography and Bernard Robinson in charge of the production design you’d expect The Stranglers of Bombay to be a handsome and entertaining production, and in the main you’d be right. There is a lack of big-name stars though, and Guy Rolfe is just a little bland as the heroic Captain Lewis. One can’t help wondering what a Peter Cushing might have done with that role. Allan Cuthbertson on the other hand takes advantage of a rare opportunity to play a fairly major role, and makes Connaught-Smith a memorably obnoxious character. George Pastell as Kali’s high priest is sinister enough but not particulary well developed. He’s really just a stock villain.

There’s also a lack of any romantic sub-plot, and apart from Lewis there aren’t too many characters that one is likely to find oneself really caring about. So the movie has a bit of a semi-documentary feel to it, and lacks the dramatic tension you expect in a Terence Fisher film. There is a memorably horrifying scene though when Captain Connaught-Smith discovers exactly what the fate is that has befallen the caravan he is protecting.

The movie’s main strength really is its unusual subject matter and exotic setting. It’s a fascinating story and the movie is reasonably entertaining. Not top-rank Hammer, but it’s certainly worth a watch.

Sadomania (1981)

Jess Franco probably made more women-in-prison movies than any other director. Sadomania (Hölle der Lust), released in 1981, was one of his later efforts in the genre. A couple of newlyweds are looking for a place to make out, and end up in the grounds of a rather unconventional women’s correctional facility. The groom is released, but the bride finds herself in the clink. The women are put to work breaking rocks, and there are all the usual elements you expect in a WiP movie - lots of lesbians, a sadistic psycho warden, a crazy sex-obsessed prison governor, and lots of nudity. Lots and lots of nudity. Not only are the prisoners always topless (except when they’re completely naked), the guards are as well.

Of course if you’re watching a women-in-prison movie and you’re taking it seriously then you’re spectacularly missing the point. This is high camp comic book territory, inspired by the sexy and outrageous Italian fumetti comics of the 60s and 70s. There’s plenty of violence, but it’s comic-book violence. The plastic crocodile that eats escaping prisoners is supposed to look plastic. If it didn’t look plastic it wouldn’t be fun, it wouldn’t be comic-book stuff. You can’t take a prison seriously where the guards’ uniform consists of hot pants and nothing else, but you’re not supposed to take it seriously.

It’s actually less sleazy than some of Franco’s earlier movies in this genre, such as Ilsa the Wicked Warden and Barbed Wire Dolls. But those movies were very very sleazy indeed, so that’s not saying much! Sadomania is sillier, but it’s definitely fun if you’re in the mood. It’s so silly that it’s impossible to find any of it truly offensive.

The movie’s main claim is that the wicked warden Magda is played by African-American post-operative transexual Ajita Wilson. Wilson spends a good deal of the movie naked. It’s rumoured that some of her co-stars in various movies who performed sex scenes with her had no idea she was born a man. Seeing her naked, it’s not hard to understand why. She’s quite effective in the role, and according to Franco she was an absolutely delightful person.

There’s not a huge amount in the way of extras, but there is a brief interview with Uncle Jess, who proves to be as entertaining and provocative as always.

This is by no means one of Franco’s best movies, but if you have a taste for this particular genre and you enjoy Franco in comic-book mode then it’s an enjoyable exercise in high camp sleaze.

The Sadist (1963)

The Sadist was one of the half-dozen movies made by Arch Hall Sr’s production company Fairway International Pictures, all starring his son Arch Hall Jr. The movies ran the gamut from prehistoric monsters (Eegah) to teen rock’n’roll romance (Wild Guitar) to The Sadist, an exceptionally violent (by the standards of 1963) juvenile delinquent movie about a couple of teenage thrill killers. It was based on a real-life case that occurred in 1958.

Three very strait-laced conservative school teachers on their way to a baseball game pull in to an apparently deserted gas station. Their car has broken down, but they can’t find anybody to fix it. The reason for this soon becomes apparent. The owner of the gas station and his family have been slaughtered by 20-year-old Charlie Tibbs and his 18-year-old girlfriend Judy. Charlie and Judy are both clearly very crazy and very dangerous. They like killing people. But they like to make them beg for mercy first. They’ve already committed a number of murders.

The three school teachers find themselves held hostage while one of them repairs a car for Charlie and Judy to use to make their escape. In the meantime the three are subjected to physical abuse and psychological torture. For a 1963 movie it’s very nasty indeed, with a couple of scenes that are quite surprisingly and shockingly violent.

No-one is seriously going to argue that Arch Hall Jr could act, but this performance in this film does work in its own twisted scenery-chewing way. He really does appear quite psychotic and to take a great deal of pleasure in inflicting pain. Most of the actors were amateurs, and they do an adequate job. Marilyn Manning is convincingly out-of-control as Judy.

This is not a slick and polished major studio production. It’s an ultra low budget exploitation flick, but it delivers the goods. It’s effectively horrifying, and it has a couple of very clever plot twists up its sleeve. Writer-director James Landis didn’t exactly have a glittering career following this promising start but he manages to maintain the tension rather well. Having Vilmos Zsigmond as his cinematographer would have helped, and the atmosphere of isolation and desolation works well.

This was certainly not the first movie to be made in Hollywood about violent criminal lovers on the run but it did up the ante quite considerable as far as the level of violence as concerned, and for better or worse pointed the way to the future for such movies. It’s certainly worth checking out.

Return of the Kung Fu Dragon (1976)

If you were to judge Return of the Kung Fu Dragon (Ju ma pao) by boring irrelevant standards like technical competence and plot coherence you’d probably have to conclude that it’s a fairly bad film. And kung fu movies aren’t usually my thing anyway. But this 1976 Taiwanese production is public domain so it cost me nothing, and I wanted mindless entertainment. And who wants to judge movies by technical competence and plot coherence anyway?

In fact, it’s enormous fun. The Golden City on Phoenix Island has been protected by the wisdom of its rulers and the kung fu skills of its three great generals. Then along comes an evil wizard, whose magic is able to overcome their king fu, and the city is conquered and comes under the rule of a wicked (and clearly fairly insane) general. In the confusion of the sack of the city one of the three good generals was able to rescue the city’s infant princess, but only at the cost of having to abandon his own wife and child. The child princess is hidden on a mountain under the protection of a good wizard, who creates an impenetrable fog that hides both the mountain and the princess in safety for nineteen years.

The nineteen years has now now passed, and the good wizard decides it’s time the Golden City was freed from tyranny. This can only be done by the descendants of the three good generals, whose identities have also been shrouded in mystery (and the identity of one of them is certainly a surprise for the evil ruler of the Golden City). It turns out that most of the descendants are teenage girls, but fortunately they all possess exceptionally advanced kung fu skills. The wicked general has a huge army at his disposal, but they’re clearly going to be no match for a handful of teenagers.

The action is non-stop. It’s not as spectacular as modern kung fu epics but the pace certainly never flags. The costumes are delightfully bizarre, especially the white go-go boots sported by one of the young female kung fu experts. There’s a great deal of engaging silliness - the evil wizard is constantly being hampered by his incredibly long white beard, which his enemies have a habit of tying to things thus rendering him temporarily immobile, even though he has a female assistant whose sole duty is to hold his beard for him. There’s also the good wizard’s very strange assistant, whose belief in his power of invisibility seems sadly misplaced.

It’s mostly a blend of action and comedy, with just the faintest hint of romance. It’s the inspired silliness and the insane manic energy that makes this one worth watching. Even if you’re not a kung fu cognoscenti it’s an enjoyably zany romp.

Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932)

Amongst the Universal horror movies of the 30s Murders in the Rue Morgue is not one of the more highly thought of entries. In fact Michael Brunas, John Brunas and Tom Weaver do quite a savage hatchet job on it in their Book Universal Horrors: The Studio’ Classic Films, 1931-1946. While it’s definitely not a good film, they do overstate their case a little.

Poe’s original story was a mystery with a shock ending, but writer-director Robert Florey has turned it into a horror tale with the horror coming from the fact that we know what’s going on more or less from the start. That was possibly a wise move, but his script is somewhat bungled and the problems were compounded by Universal’s decision to do reshoots and generally tamper with the already almost completed movie.

Bela Lugosi is Dr Mirakle, a scientist working in the field of human evolution who is experimenting with ape-human hybridisation in Paris in 1845. He finances his experiments by displaying his ape in a sideshow. His encounter with a medical student and his girlfriend triggers off a series of unfortunate incidents, and a number of women are found floating in the Seine.

The script doesn’t come together at all, and the movie suffers particularly badly from the comic relief that makes so many American horror movies of that period heavy going. On the other hand it does look sensational. Cine

The Year of the Sex Olympics (1968)

The Year of the Sex Olympics was done by the BBC in 1968 as part of their Theatre 625 series. It’s essentially a TV movie. Writer Nigel Kneale is probably best-known for his classic Quatermass serials that revolutionised TV science fiction in the moid-50s. The Year of the Sex Olympics is still science fiction, but combined with some of the most savage satire directed at the media that you’re ever likely to see.

At some point in the future things have become so bad, with wars and civil unrest and violence, that the government has resorted to an extremely successful policy called Apathy Control. The idea is that the masses are allowed to watch, but not do. It’s been discovered that if they’re allowed to watch unlimited amounts of explicit sex on television they’ll be perfectly satisfied to do nothing else other than watch TV. There’s nothing useful for them to do anyway, and so the best thing is to keep them “cool and cozy.” All decision-making is in the hands of a small elite, the High Drive people, and the Low Drive people just get upset if they have to think about anything.

Tony Vogel is Nat Mender and Vickery Turner is Misch, co-presenters of the Sportsex program. Nat has a child with Deanie, who works on Artsex. There are no families any longer, but High Drive people can still have permission to have children although they don’t actually raise them. Despite having two High Drive parents, their child Keten is showing disturbing Low Drive tendencies.

The prediction of reality TV is terrifyingly accurate, and the cynicism about media audiences is overwhelming. This society of the future seems uncomfortably close to the reality of our own times, to both the reality TV craze and to the consumption of sex at second-hand on the internet. It isn’t just about reality TV, but a satire on the media in general and the use of media as social control. There are hints of 1984 as well, with language being simplified into a kind of mindless textspeak that is incapable of articulating genuine emotion or thought. It’s a combination of Survivor and Big Brother with a bit of Facebook and Twitter thrown in.

Unfortunately the audience just aren’t responding to all the sex and longer. So it’s decided that perhaps what they need is laughter. That should be a harmless release. But all attempts to get the audience laughing fail, until one day a rogue technician is accidentally killed on camera.The audience erupts into gales of laughter. Thus reality TV is born. A new program, Live-Life, is devised, in which a couple and their child are left on an island to live the way people lived in the Old Days. They’re told the island is uninhabited but in fact a psychotic killer is also placed on the island, because TV requires some drama. The audience will be able to experience Old Days emotions vicariously, like fear and grief and horror.

Leonard Rossitter is memorable as the Co-Ordinator of TV programming. The very 60s costumes (with lots of paisley) may be off-putting to some, although I thought they were fun. Despite the surface kitschiness this is a very dark and pessimistic production, much darker in tone than Kneale’s earlier Quatermass stories. It’s difficult to find, but well worth the effort.