The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai is a pink film (pinku eiga) which is the Japanese term for a softcore erotic movie. While the softcore sex film was by this time out of fashion in most countries and was becoming a very rare bird the genre was still thriving in Japan in 2003. This particular movie was originally released in Japan as Horny Home Tutor: Teacher's Love Juice. Surprisingly it made the crossover to the art-house circuit in the US and Europe and became a minor sensation.
It is among other things a political satire (about George W. Bush) but don’t be put off by that. Political satire becomes very dated and very embarrassing very quickly but in this case it doesn’t matter. The satire is so silly and so bizarre that it’s morbidly fascinating whether you agree with the movie’s politics or not. And there’s so much other craziness here that you can just enjoy wallowing in the weirdness. The weirdness is not so much in the content as in the tone and the style.
And you can enjoy the special effects. The special effects budget must have been around fifty bucks. You have never seen such cheap special effects. Ed Wood’s movies have more elaborate special effects.
The movie begins with a pretty private tutor named Sachiko Hanai (Emi Kuroda) giving her pupil some lessons in American geography. He learns more about the geography of the female anatomy than that of the United States. We quickly figure out that this is an imekura sex club, a kind of brothel where customers can play out their sex fantasies, and that Sachiko is a prostitute.
Sachiko then heads off to a coffee shop where an exchange is taking place between some Middle Eastern gentlemen and a North Korean spy/assassin. An item of great value is changing hands. In the course of the exchange Sachiko is shot through the head. Now for most girls a bullet hole in the centre of the forehead would be the end of the line but for Sachiko it’s just the beginning. She has now gained the power of precognition as well as vast insights into mathematics and philosophy.
And she has that valuable item in her possession.
What is the item? It’s George W. Bush’s finger. Or rather, it’s a clone of George W. Bush’s finger. And it has immense power and significance.
Sachiko soon learns that if you’re of the female persuasion it has other interesting possibilities. It can not only offer deep penetrating insights into various subjects, it can have other deep penetrating properties as well. Which she realises when it forces itself on her and brings her to a shattering orgasm. It should be added that it’s not just a cloned finger, it’s a flying cloned finger.
Meanwhile that North Korean spy/assassin has her apartment staked out. While he’s waiting he eats all her food and finds some naughty pictures of her. He has a very nice time with the pictures and then he finds a real treasure - a pair of her panties. Which she has worn but hasn’t yet had time to wash. He naturally confiscates them.
Sachiko has been busy as well. She has hooked up with Professor Saeki. They discuss philosophy and have sex. Discussing philosophy gets them both really hot. He goes crazy when she talks about Noam Chomsky.
The professor persuades his wife that it would be a great idea to move Sachiko into their house. She could act as tutor to their teenage son Mamoru. Sachiko is an excellent tutor. She knows how to motivate a boy. She sets him some difficult mathematical problems. When he gets the answer right she takes off an item of her clothing. When he gets the final question right her panties come off. It’s strip tutoring, which seems to me to have considerable educational potential. Once the panties come off she offers him some tutoring in subjects more interesting to a boy than mathematics.
Eventually Sachiko and the spy assassin hook up. He is surprised by some of her little quirks. Whenever she starts to grapple with an esoteric philosophical question she has to frantically masturbate.
She has other quirks. She only tastes food ten minutes after eating it. And she seems to be losing feeling in a sensitive part of her anatomy.
Surprisingly there is a plot. Sort of. A spy plot, involving that finger and the fate of civilisation as we know it.
The finger is linked to a top-secret high-tech device. Part of the device is a rubber ducky on wheels. Yes, it’s that sort of movie.
There’s a crazed action finale in a cave, which of course involves both sex and guns and dream sequences which might be precognition, and lots more craziness.
Emi Kuroda does quite well in the lead role, conveying Sachiko’s strangeness very effectively.
Director Mitsuru Meike apparently started losing his grip in the later stages of the production and there were doubts as to his ability to finish it.
A word about Japanese softcore might be in order. Back in the 70s Japanese erotic movies could feature very graphic simulated sex but were absolutely forbidden to show even a glimpse of pubic hair. By 2003 things had changed and The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai does feature female frontal nudity. And while there are no shots of penetration there are several shots of ejaculation. So softcore doesn’t mean quite the same in Japan as it does elsewhere.
The Palm DVD release includes the original Horny Home Tutor: Teacher's Love Juice plus the extended director’s cut of The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai, plus an episode of a Japanese TV show featuring Emi Kuroda. It’s even crazier than the movie.
The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai offers lots of sex, lots of Emi Kuroda naked and lots of lunacy. Whether it’s inspired lunacy or not is a matter of opinion but this movie is certainly unique and for that reason it’s recommended.
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