Thursday, 9 February 2023

Cinderella 2000 (1977)

Cinderella 2000 is a science fiction sex comedy directed by Al Adamson. So you know it’s going to be crazy and it’s going to be made on a budget of next to nothing.

The movie is set in the year 2047. It’s a future that seemed wildly improbable in 1977 but seems highly likely today. Everything that is fun has been outlawed.

Sex is strictly regulated. Sex is not permitted without a permit from the government. Anyone caught having unauthorised sex is arrested by an annoying robot named Roscoe. They are then wrapped in bubble-wrap (I have no idea why) and reduced to the size of a Barbie doll. Yes, this is a strange movie.

The city is ruled by the Controller. He thinks sex is dirty but like most self-appointed moral watchdogs he’s secretly obsessed with the subject. The Controller’s problem is that he’s never been able to get his rocks off, no matter how hard he tries. Since he can’t enjoy sex he’s determined that no-one else will either.

The only man allowed to have sex is Tom Prince. There’s a lengthy waiting list of ladies hoping to have authorised sex with him.

So where does Cinderella come into this? The fairy tale story is there. Cinderella (Catharine Erhardt) has a cruel stepmother and two nasty stepsisters. They’re all sexually frustrated. Everybody in this society is sexually frustrated. The stepsisters are determined that if the chance of sex ever comes along Cinderella isn’t going to get any.

The Controller is persuaded that his anti-sex policies are becoming unpopular. Tom Prince suggests to him that the Controller’s annual ball would be a good opportunity to increase his popularity and so the idea of the Controller’s Uncontrolled Ball is born. For at least one night sex will be legal.

Poor Cinderella is convinced she won’t get to go to the ball until her Fairy Godfather arrives in his spaceship(!) and manages to magic up an invitation, a beautiful ballgown and a futuristic car to take her there (it looks like a dune buggy that has done way too many steroids).

Cinderella goes to the ball and has wild sex with Tom Prince.

Tom is now obsessed. He want to find this girl again. The Controller takes pity on him. But how will Tom find the girl again? How will he recognise her? There is a way he will be able to recognise her for sure - if he sees her naked and has sex with her again. So Tom Prince has to have sex with every woman in the kingdom until he finds his dream girl.

Cinderella, her Fairy Godfather and Tom decide that something needs to be done to introduce the idea of free love and legal fornication to the city. There’s only one way to do this. Cinderella has to get the Controller’s rocks off for him. If she can do this she will blow his mind (and that isn’t all she’ll blow) and he’ll become a convert to free love.

At some stage, for no reason whatsoever, Snow White puts in an appearance, even though it’s explained to her that this isn’t her movie. Poor Snow White is so horny. She just can’t stand it. If only there was something the seven dwarfs could do to help the poor girl out. Eventually the dwarfs figure out that they can help her, which they proceed to do with enthusiasm. Snow White is now a very happy girl. This segment has nothing to do with the rest of the movie but in a movie as crazy as this it doesn’t matter. It is an amusing sequence.

It might sound like this movie makes a vague kind of crazy sense but this is an Al Adamson movie. The craziness level is off the charts. I haven’t mentioned the singing robots yet. This movie is deranged. But it’s deranged in an oddly appealing way. It doesn’t even try to be a sensible coherent movie. To enjoy it you just have to go with the craziness.

The budget was minuscule. The special effects are terrible. The sets and costumes are bizarre exercises in bad taste. The acting is awful. In any other movie these would be serious flaws but in an Al Adamson movie they just add to the fun.

There’s plenty of nudity and moderately graphic simulated sex.

This movie has had several DVD releases, of varying quality. The version I have is a German DVD which includes both German and English language options. There were apparently several different cuts of the movie. I assume the version on this DVD is the European cut. I have no idea if other cuts of the film are raunchier. The DVD version is definitely softcore.

You have to be in the mood for this one and you need to be the sort of person who enjoys movies that are insanely bad but in a good way. You also have to enjoy sex comedies. I liked it and I’m going to highly recommend it.

I’ve reviewed a couple of Al Adamson’s other movies - Nurse Sherri (1978) and Five Bloody Graves (1970). Nurse Sherri is a must-see.

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