John Carter (2012)

John Carter, released by Disney in 2012, was intended to launch a franchise based on the Barsoom novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs. Never in the history of motion pictures has a studio so successfully sabotaged one of its own films. A stunning combination of incompetence, cowardice, lack of imagination and malice caused John Carter to be a massive money loser. It was also a spectacular example of a ludicrously inflated budget ensuring that even if the movie did well at the box office it would lose money. The marketing was catastrophically inept.

The first mistake was the title. It’s based on the first of the Barsoom novels, A Princess of Mars. That’s a cool title so Disney changed it to John Carter, the most unexciting title that could be imagined.

So is it really a turkey? The answer is no. It has a few problems but it’s actually pretty good.

It retains the novel’s framing story. Edgar Rice Burroughs appears as a character in the framing story. John Carter is a cavalry officer left jobless, homeless and impoverished by the Civil War. He’s also embittered by personal tragedy (an unnecessary element not present in the novel). Now Carter hopes to revive his fortunes by prospecting and he’s discovered gold.

And then he’s on Mars. Burroughs made no attempt at any plausible scientific explanation or this. The movie, despite adding some technobabble, doesn’t either. It doesn’t matter. He’s on Mars and he’s a prisoner of the six-limbed green-skinned heavily tusked Tharks.

He gets caught in the midst of an epic power struggle and the beautiful princess Dejah Thoris tries to persuade him to come to the aid of the people. And to save her from a forced marriage to the power-hungry ruthless Sab Than. Pulling the strings behind the scenes are the immortal Therns.

Carter has no interest in noble causes but Dejah Thoris is both gorgeous and persuasive. He can be convinced to save a woman, if she’s the right woman. 

There’s lots of CGI and while I’m not a fan of CGI some of it is pretty impressive and some of it has that subtle lack of solidity and weight that makes it look fake. But overall there are plenty of cool visuals.

Despite being a tad overlong it does keep the action happening and there’s an abundance of battle scenes and exploding air ships.


The big problem is the star, Taylor Kitsch. He just doesn’t have hero quality. He comes across more like a librarian who’s a vegan and drinks decaf coffee. He has zero charisma. He lacks the necessary physicality.

On the other hand Lynn Collins is a pretty good Dejah Thoris. She’s beautiful and she has the pride that a princess should have. I personally think they should have put her in much sexier costumes (she spends much of the novel naked) but the geniuses at Disney didn’t see it that way. There’s also just not enough erotic tension between the two leads. Mind you, it’s hard to imagine any woman being excited by the wimpy Taylor Kitsch.

One thing I do like is the lack of cynicism and nihilism. This is an old-fashioned tale of heroic adventure. It has a hero who is unequivocally the Good Guy and a heroine who is unequivocally a Heroine.

One other thing I do like is the absence of ideological lecturing. There is good and evil in this tale but it’s old-fashioned evil - greed and ambition. And it’s old-fashioned good - courage and loyalty and love. 

The main change from the novel is the addition of the Therns, presumably to add a touch of mysticism (and perhaps they were intended to play a major role in later movies in the franchise had the franchise eventuated). 

It has some flaws but on the whole John Carter is solid entertainment. Highly recommended. A movie that deserved a much better fate.

Disney’s Blu-Ray presentation cannot be faulted.

I’ve also reviewed the source novel, Edgar Rice Burroughs’ A Princess of Mars.